Mysted Thoughts

EmeraldMysts is dead. Without the family, loyalty and trust that we use to have, we are nothing. The pack has disbanned. The amount of distrust, disloyalty and all around ignorance is baffling and un-nerving. I am going to try this one more time, though I am still on my LOA for mental recoperation. This is my last journal here.

To MoonWeaver: I only allow those I trust fully onto the council. Not only because you have op powers and I have to trust you to uphold them, but because EmeraldMysts is precious to me. I have entrusted you with something that I hold dear and it scares me that I was about to promote you further. I have not felt this hurt in a long time and your unexpected disloyalty discusts me. When you left TwilightVale, you did so on your old and told them you were doing so. Kasie called that disloyalty, I call that not at home. You created a pack behind the backs of your pack. You gave it a name, a channel, a topic. You went behind not only mine, but whats left of your family's back and did this and then told us, Just like Talv did. I would expect this from someone as lowly as Jenna but not from you. Whats more... to think I was going to ask for your sistership while you planned your backstabbing. When I said I would not be as irritated if you or Desori created your own packs, I ment that. It does not mean i would not be hurt by it. You have turned your back on me and your family and now you turn and thank me? I want nothing of your thanks. If you think what I would want from you is for you to become a traitor wanna-be then you are sadly mistaken. A once dead pack, a half alpha and a theif memeber- Not off to a great start. Good Luck with RainDancers. If you make it -great. If you dont, I wont be suprised.

To Kyro: You stinking, lying, decietful little wench. Once again I have entrusted your word and got a knife in my back in return. All I asked was that you actually yaknow, participate with your pack. You never roleplay and so yeah I was a bit irritated when you had enough time to fight for 20 min on the Messenger with me but you could not attend the hour long meeting. When you joined EM it was under the condition that you would not leave. Time and time again you have said 'I wont leave dont worry' but here we are, repeating the same steps as many times before. Partially i blame myself for trusting you, for congradulating you but I blame you for not growing up and realizing that when you make a promise it should be kept. You are no more a wolf then a chicken is. Your just a sad excuse for a Human Being. To you I wish no luck, no prosperity cause I know until you grow up and decide to at least cut it as a human, you will always fail as a wolf.

To EmeraldMysts: Im sorry. I leave you in the care of those I still trust. I will be taking my LOA perhaps for a long time, perhaps i will find the alternitive or at least one reason to feel like Wolf Roleplay isnt a complete joke. You all are amazing and the phone calls, PMs, IMs and emails really soothed my acheing heart. I appreciate your love and support and I will return it once I dont feel like crawling under a rock.

There has been some odd things going on lately at Anthony's house. Some can be explaind, some cannot and I am not so sure I even want them explained. He and I both know there is something in his parents room. It doesn't bother his parents though so I am under the impressison it may be something of Nancy's that she put there to freak out others so they do not go into her  room without permission. ie. the little kids that come over from time to time ect. It is not really a bad thing but it makes you uncomfortable enough to want to leave the area. Other then that Nancy keeps the house pure as anything. Lately however she has been working alot so I think things are getting in through the cracks.

Dogs~
Now Anthony's mom's work dog is Dante. He is a Belgin Malinois. Like a little german shepard with half the brain. Some say the breed has been so interbred that they have a few loose screws. Nancy was bit for no reason by another Mal before for no reason. She was just sitting down, he hopped up on her lap she petted him and put her arm down and he growled. She slowly raised her arm to protect her face. The owner said 'Is he growling' and no sooner did he have the sentence out did the dog bit Nancy's arm. No reason, completely unprovoked. Later on he was licking Nancy's bandages. Now Dante has never been a problem till recently. A couple months ago Nancy was doing obediance with him when he turned around and snapped at her twice for no reason. After that she was seriously concidering putting him down but Trevor convinced her to try and get him neutared first to lower his agression. It didnt work.

For the last two weeks I have been feeding the dogs at night. I go to the refrigerator in the laundry room and get the chicken (spoiled brats get raw chicken backs instead of kibble) then walk Dante out to the kennels. I give him the command to go in the kennel, set the chicken down, go in the kennel, take off his muzzle, step out, feed him, feed the others, wash out the dish, go back in the kennel, put the muzzle back on and let him out. So this was not anything new for him when I went ot get the chicken the other night. He was bouncing around all happy cause he was going to be fed and ran out the door. I opend the door and he was sitting like -right there- I told him to move and walked by him, He stayed. I went to his kennel and gave him the command to go in and he pranced up to me all happy like. 4 feet away from me he stopped and sorta looked around. I gave the command again and he turned around and BAM psycoMalinois. His pupils were like itty bitty, his tail came up, his lips pealed back and ears went flat. Next thing I know he jumped at me. I braced myself, thank god, cause if I hadnt he would have knocked me over. A piece of chicken fell out of my bucket and hit the floor. If that was what he was after, he would have gone for it, but he kept coming after me. I kicked him in the chest and I guess he figured the chicken wouldnt fight back so he went after it. I said 'fuck that' and fed the other dogs. Now mind you, Dante still has his muzzle on, so he is trying ot eat the chicken through it. I went to go take the muzzle off and he went rigid and ran after me till i kicked him again. He went back to the chicken. I went back into the house and told Anthony Dante wasnt getting fed tonight and told him he jacked a piece of chicken before I got his muzzle off. Anthony went out there and no sooner did he step out the door did dante come after him.

Now, for those who dont know dogs very well it could be true that e is food agressive, the only thing that suggests against this is the re-attacks on me and the way he went after Anthony. Usually a dog that is food agressive will not leave the food if thats what they are protecting. He CHASED Anthony. Leaving the food there. Anthony grabbed the sides of his muzzle and forced his head down. I went and opened the kennel and we through him in. He was still all crazed.

~Hooked
That doesn't end the creepiness. The next day we were feeding the dogs (together this time) and getting ready to go over to Omar's. I was coming back with the bucket when Anthony came skittering to a hault from the direction of the kitchen with a look of horror on his face. Then it felt like everything got really heavy. Like a thick smoke was settling. Anthony said that something had flicked the lights in the kitchen. I asked if he was sure and the look he gave me told me he wasnt lying. He was absolutly rigid. He said 'We have to go. NOW." and we left. Even in the car that heavy feeling stayed. Anthony was absolutly stiff. Every muscle and vain in his arm was showing and he was driving like an ass. He just wanted to get to Omar's. As soon as we got there Omar told his girlfriend to get sage. He did some sort of excersism type thing on a very small scale. Whatever was on Anthony was gone by the time he was done. I was terrified. Not because of what was happening more-so because I was worried about Anthony because the last time I had seen him like that- was when HE was around. Now I wont go into who HE is but HE was a big part of why Anthony and I broke up. HE made Anthony different, made him think and act differently. I dont know if it is HIM that is back, if it is Anthony hasnt said so.

There is something here though. It was back last night. It doesnt like Anthony's room though so we were held up in here all night. The sage burned out before it even begain to smolder. We left a white candle burning in the room and put every protection we could think of on the window and door. I just hope it doesnt get to anthony. Weither it is HIM or not, it is nothing good. I want it out. Its not my place to tell it to leave though- that is all on Anthony's mother.

Dreams~
I had an odd dream. Sort of had the same fefeling as the snake one. I was watching a single flame, like a flame from a candle and the little bits that sparked off turned to feathers the same color as the fire. The fire got.... i dont know bigger. I wouldnt say hotter because there was no blue to it. But it got bigger  and more and more feathers fell. Finally it exploded into a bunch of little fireballs that turned into birds who flew away singing the most beautiful song. I couldnt mimick it if I tried.  My first thought was Phoenix but there is only one at any given time, I donno though.

Life~
      Craziness. Things are happening fast and I am struggling to keep up right now. However, despite how hectic things have become- I am happy. I am officially moved in at Anthony's house. We totally cleaned his room when I was moving my stuff here. Rearranged everything and all that. Its weird, its not exactly what either of us had in mind, but we like it. We still want to add some last min. touches. Hit the 99 cent store and get a few glass things for some tealights and maybe get a tapestry for one of the walls. We also decided we need a rug lol. The way the room is arranged it is nice and open now. In the process of the move I was injured. My bookshelf retaliated and bit me on the boob and finger ;-; jerk bookcase!

      I am currently in the process of finding a job. Not only has anthony been paying for -everything- but I have to start paying insurance on the Sentra. Other things are starting to add up as well and I need money. So I am running around like nuts looking for a decent paying job. Not only for myself but for Ideas that are up in the air floating around. Our buddy Omar and his girlfriend offered to rent and Apt with me and Anthony. Omar knows a place where we could do this for hella cheep. 2 bedrooms, 2 master bathrooms for about the same price as his one bedroom. That would be so exciting but first Anthony wants to make sure he is stable at work, seeing as the other Ford dealership closed down the department he works for he isnt sure if Team Ford is going to do the same. Not only that but I want to make sure I have a decent paying job so I can help and now more complications with our idea because Omar's car was in an accident. They are using the Sentra right now while me and Anthony are sharing the truck.

School~
     Hell. Four classes is tough. Mostly because on monday's and wendsdays I have the four hour gap between classes. My english teacher makes me want to punch small children :/ He is seriously like borderline communist, anti-government, religious anarchist type guy. Everyone is intitled to their opinion but just because you want to blow up an airport you shouldnt say so, it could get you in trouble. Its an hour and a half class but he sits there and bullshits for the first hour  and 20 min  then the last 10 min he gets to the point and actually teaches the lesson. However he doesnt really teach it, he reads it out of the book -_- Seriously he gives us a break at like 8:15 and if he hasnt gotten to the point yet my ass is leaving -_- Last night, I laid my head down cause I had a headache and when I looked back up half the class was gone. 

      However, the rest of my classes are pretty decent. My history teacher is alot of fun, same with Business. Accounting I can already tell is going to kick my ass. but yaknow, just one semester, every saturday and Ill be fine lol. My parents agreed to help me pay for my books. Its rediculous how expencive those damn things are - Nearly $100 a pop.

Love~
      I am almost hesitant to write on this for fear i will jinx it. Anthony and I are doing very well. Now that I am officially wireless, I dont mind him being on CoH so much because I can still be in the room with him on my laptop on IRC and such. We have been spending alot of time together, going to omars and running errands ect. Its been great. We finally decided on the tattoo that we both want. We are going to get a dragon and a wolf in a yin-yang type position and this symbol he drew around the time we started dating in the center. Just need to find someone to draw it.

Pack~
     I  feel awful that I am so absent from the pack. I miss them so much. I try to get on when I can but it seems the only time that I can get on is early in the morning when everyone is sleeping or at school/work or late at night after most everyone has gone to bed... I await the meeting date anxiously. I hope they will understand. Once I get a job, between that, school and other errands I will have very little time... I will put myself on an LOA and hope they accept it.. Aven is back and should be sticing around so hopefully they will have at least one active alpha.

I think thats about all for now. Ill update again soon. Promise!

Life~
Well Anthony was doing good with the CoH thing for a whole... four days... now he is back to making it how it was before. Seriously I think he is addicted. Last night we were sitting on his bed watching TV and as usual the only time I could get any sort of affection from him was when I practically begged for it or forced it. For a whole five min he was sideglancing the computer. He looked at me, looked at the computer and guess what he chose. The fucking computer. It was 11 at night and he usually goes to sleep at 12 and he chose to spend the last hour with the computer. Fuck that. I went outside and laid down. I wasnt really asleep moreso I was lost in thought and when he came out to summon me, he startled me. I was -SO- tempted to bark out a smartass retort. Mainly "What? Couldnt find a way to bring CoH to bed with you?" *snort* Instead I just ignored him. I was too pissed. Im sorry but seriously I feel second best to a fucking computer. The only time he spends with me is the time he cant be on the computer. ie: the whole 5 min before work when he says goodbye, the whole 5 min it takes him to fall asleep and usually im lucky to even get a cuddle in there. But oh when I am mad at him, the cuddles come in bundles. THEN he wants to be all lovie and kissing. I didnt even respond to it, I couldnt i was so mad. I have told him twice now how I feel about this and I dont think it is sinking in. Its going to come down to drastic measures I think before he realizes what he is doing. I would never ask him to choose between me and his game, but I will ask him what he loves more cause at this point I am seriously not sure. What annoy's me more then anything is he doesnt seem to understand what he did wrong. I dont really know how to put it more simple then "I am your girlfriend, It is a game. I should get more love then it does." I know that sounds selfish but holy shit. If this continues he better find a way to get CoH to fuck him too, cause I wont be.

Pack~
Things are okay, sadly of  course the second I log off crisis struck. I guess SacredForest crashed and everyone thinks I disbanned the pack because of my 'stepping down from alpha' talk. Im trying to get the word out that the server just went down. The pack is regrouping on sorcery till we find out what happend. The council spoke and apparently I am not going to be aloud to step down for fear of maul-age by SilverEye, Desori and MoonWeaver :) <3 So I will probly just be placing myself on a formal LOA so that I can pass my athorities, mainly to Silver because he is beta, but also to the gammas and guardian so they have the powa too.

Life~
Things are better now. My dad is paying for my books so I wont be in so much debt anymore. I hope to be put on the clock at IronHorse here soon so I can get paid there and commission money and Anthony are sustaining me for the moment.

Today we went to my parent's house for a Labor Day barbeque and it was sorta bazar. I felt more like I was going to my Nana and Papa's house then going to my house x.x but I have realized that Anthony's house is more home to me then my parents. I am really happy here. We ran some errands, picked up the boys and had dinner and desert then watched Animal House. It was all very mellow. Kinda nice really.

Love~
Again things are better. We are spending more time together while still giving each other space. Sunday we were going to play D&D and then foudn out it would only be me, Anthony and Mike. I already knew how that would end so I told anthony to go on ahead if he wanted to hang with mike while I went home and spent the morning/afternoon with Hogan, Ray and Jackie. We went to Chili's and Barnes and Noble. Afterward I went and met up with Anthony at Sunday and Tiff's place (Mike was house sitting) and we ended up playing Rifts for a while and then got food and went swimming. I guess we are going to try out Vampire Mascarade next. o.o sounds like fun. But then we went over to Omar's and watched a movie during which Anthony and I both fell asleep. We ended up spending the night and left when omar had to go to work.

Pack~
I figure that I have a few options; most that have been thrown out for me so that I could concider them. These are the ones I am looking into:

-If the pack decides they would like me to remain as alpha-
I will accept that and place myself on a Leave Of Absence. Thus in doing I will formally be passing on the hierarchy to the council seeing as when I am not around, they are in charge. A formal leave of absence would strengthen that - thus i could put it in the topic and such.

-If the pack decides they would like me to step down-
I will do so and probly step down to a council rank so when I am active again I may reclaim my rank if they would allow me to do so and the pack will vote on an alpha to take my place.

This is speaking only for myself. Aven feels that he hasn't been givin the chance to prove himself to the others that he is a good alpha because of some personal stuff he is going through. What he decides is his choice. What the pack decides I willl respect.

Life~
One word: Busy

Wolf~
With as busy as I have gotten, I feel that perhaps it is time for me to step down. Nor me or Aven are active much anymore. When I do get a chance to get on, Im generally too tired or only jumping on but not long enough to RP. I feel as if I no longer deserve my ranks. Granted I am on when I can be and I do try... it is true that I have missed a few meetings, they were unavoidable but still. Truth be told, even though RL has us by the tails, Aven and I should have both stepped down a long time ago. I don't really know what to do, I am holding a manditory meeting in EM. I will ask them what they want. If they do not mind my absence then I will stay as alpha if they want me. If they would prefer someone more active then I will gladly step down. I want my pack to be happy. They are such good people and wolves, they deserve an alpha that can be there to interact with them and keep things up and going.  Granted EM is now an aomebia (sp) of its own. I have not recruited in months and yet the pack keeps growing. For the most part I just host meetings (sometimes) and thats it, other then that the pack mostly run's itself. All my members know their place and do their part. I am so proud of all of them, specially those on my council. I really dont think EM would have lasted this long without them. It is up to all of the pack to voice their opinions. I will abide to what they want., even if it is not me.

EmeraldMysts is a wonderful pack. We are family. There have been so many times when my members have picked me up and dusted me off. So many times I've been told that EM is someone's safe place, their place to get away from RL and just wolf.  So many times I have had members come to me the same way I came to them. Looking ot me as not only their alpha, but their friend or even spirit sibling. I have sat back and watched as bonds have grown between each members. How skittish newbs have turned into confidant memebers. As those who have almost lost their passion for RP have returned in full force. What pleases me the most though, is not the numbers, not the activity. The Love that fills our channels. I know it is corny but seriously. I know my wolves would never turn their backs on me, even if they do not choose me as their alpha, I know I would be welcomed into the ranks. Our pack is everything our logo involves. We love each other, we are loyal to one another and more then anything, we are a family. Love. Loyalty. Family. Whatever may happen, Long live the EmeraldMysts.

Life~

I think I did the right thing in showing Anthony those journals. I think he understands now and I have been much happier these last couple of days. We have spent more time together but he has also gotten to play his game for a while too. That time I use to watch TV or jump on the net ect. Until I get  another eathernet cable, a longer one. Im kinda afraid to plug in my laptop here when the dogs are out of the kennels. They get their paws all tangled up in the cords and I am afraid it will break my lappy. So I mostly just try to be online when I can on either my lifemates comp or his parents.

Being able to drive is awsome. lol. Anthony and I drove (me in his truck and him in the Sentra (aka Betsy)) to the service place and we got her checked out and I drove the truck back to the house. So muh car is okay, she had to get an oil change and a few tune ups to the transmission but other then that she was okay ^^ I think Anthony still wants to get the tires rotated and changed out or whatever first but other then that its all good!

School is ... bleh. I missed my second day of buisness (and monday is laborday so no school) but also I did go to my English class and I am not at all impressed. I did not pay $200 to sit in an english class where the teacher rambles off anicdotes for the entire 2 hours. :/ Im there for -english- not government or religion. I have my History class for the first time tomorrow and my accounting class first thing Saturday morning. So we will see how that goes.

Wolf RP~
I know I said in my last LJ that everyone else wins. And you do. I am just posting once more on it, then it will not be brought back up. I have been unfair (for lack of a better word) to a few other packs. I personally have always made it a point to help small packs get on their paws. ie: SpiritSeekers / SpiritRivers / others. I offer to make websites, and recruite. So I am not prejidice against 'small packs' or 'beginning packs' and I want to make that perfectly clear. There would be -no- packs without those wolves who seek out their own families and take a risk in starting a new one. My anger comes from the fact that I see the good packs, ones who have earned the privilage and title to do so- falling because they have so few members. Good packs that given the members they have should be positivly booming with activity and life... but just because most people have either been on IRC and been misguided to believe that it is a 'bad' place or are in another equally dead pack its hard for packs to succeed. I. Personally, am no longer involved. For all I care there can be 168746123 packs so long as it doesnt effect mine. I jsut want to make clear the reason for my irritation with all the new packs that are recently popping up. To all those: Good luck and I wish you the best. To other packs: I hope things keep on going strong.  Part of this apology is due to a talk I had with a good friend, the other part is to my 'admirers' thos who have called me names and such. I have been less then kind, but no more so then any of you. I am just being the bigger person in apologizing and putting it behind me. So yes, everyone who has ever insulted me or talked shit behind my back - you win. Just remember though - Winning this is like winning the special olympics, you may win, but your still retarded  :)

EmeraldMysts~
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! <33333

 Life~
Better, Much better. It would seem my parents have accepted that I mostly live at Anthony's and visit them other then that I am 'at home' at Anthony's house. In other news, I got my license! Like my permission-to-drive-a-vehicle-whenever-i-choose-to license! Woot for me. I drove to school today ^^ in betsy. I feel so... adultish lol. It was nice to be able to grab something to eat on the way here and not have to bug anyone about it :x Kinda sucks that I missed my entire Buisness class :/ but yaknow it happends that way sometimes... hopefully I didn't miss much. I dont have my homework for my english 102 class because I dont have a book yet ;-; So im already going to be at a low grade. -le cry- 

Tomorrow I have to go to IHP and help Teresa to file some stuff and do the billing. I hope to be hired on there- it would be really nice. Though I have found that I don't like Richard :/ Teresa's husband. I dont have any real reason why, he just annoyes me. I can tolerate him though. 

 Love~
I showed Anthony my previous LJ and others... he read them and - the point I was trying to make him see is how serious of a streign he has been putting on our relationship and just to show him that its getting bad... He is being uber hard on himself. Saying he has fucked it up and sooner or later he will run out of luck or something... bleh. Hopefully he will get over it. 

I love him to death, despite the crap.

Pack~
Sadly I am unsure of the pack. Just because I have not been there due to work/school. From what I hear things are slow with everyone back in school but other then that it seems to be well. I hope to be with them again soon. I wish I could connect to IRC at school...

Life~ 
   So there is a very good chance that I will be quitting my job tomorrow. Why you may ask. There are a few reasons that I can think of.

1) No Benifits
2) No Overtime
3) Mardy, (one of my bosses) is creepy, he tries rubbing/touching my shoulders.
4) I am getting payed $8 an hour after being promised $13
5) Paychecks are ALWAYS late. 

so there are many reasons, but my anger right now comes from the fact that while I was at work I told him that I needed my check as I have just come home from vacation and I got shit to pay off he says 'thats your problem not mine" oh bitch no you didnt! It is going to be his problem when I go to the labor board and tell them I was suppose to get paid nearly a week before I actually get my check! Hows that sound?! Fucker. So tomorrow if my paycheck isnt waiting for me on the desk im going to demand that I get it and quit. Eddie, one of my co-workers quit today because he didnt get paid. So we will see how that goes.

Tues the 15th I have my drivers test. Im hoping I pass it the first time so i can just get Betsy and be done with it. Life is getting sorta rough at my house. My mom got laid off at Home Depot today, meaning half her income is POOF. Gone. My dad is talking about switching us to some other cell phone company so we can save like $150 a month and possibly downgrading our COX package. I donno really, I know i need to apply for financial aid soon and register for my classes in August. I think I will take my Math, A Social Studies and a language. or maybe start a graphics or buisness management class. I donno ill have to see how it pans out, I need to take four classes though.

Pack~
There was a shitload of Roleplay today, I was so proud! Somehow we ended up with like 9 pledges in the last few days. Shimon, Kiya, Skylan, Nasmara, Calypso, DestinyRose, Amaroq, Azure, and Siral. All of them are very dedicated and seem to love roleplay as much as any of the pack. Jasper has been putting the moves on Amythist which is cute but dangerous. Aven has IRL things to take care of, thus isnt on very much. Sadly. But if he came back he would fight Jasper for Amy, I know it. I dont want that to happen. 

Many people however seem to be loosing their edge. Darklight, Feenix - they both dont seem to have the heart for RP though I know they will stick with the pack. Sardonyx had IRL things to take care of and found the net was holding him back. Opalfire has too much going on IRL to have time for the pack so she stepped out. Its saddening but I know they will all always be family.

We are going to have a packmeeting on the 18th. Hopefully lots of woofles will show up. Large meetings are hectic and take forever but they are so much fun! Watching Em grow and prosper despite the drama and filth that is spread around it gives me hope. I am so proud of them.

Wolf RP~
Shitty. As always. No one respects anyone. No one earns anything. Everyone just takes what they want, places titles upon their names. Its sickening. I wont get into it, its the same rant as always.

Life~ 

 So i went out and got a new phone.  A POS nokia. Its really not that bad but its not as sexy as my Sony Ericsson. I have tried to avoid being home. Im kinda mad at my parents for acting like its MY fault that the bitch made off with my phone -_- So pretty much I have been hanging out at anthony's. 

 Last night me and Anthony went and saw Wall.E - it was super cute! I highly recommend it! Then today we went over to play D&D but i guess we are switching to playing some sort of super hero RPG... I donno about that, never really been a superhero buff myself but whatever. They made me a shapeshifting character so I guess Ill make due with that. I honestly think i prefer slaying dragons...

Wolf RP~ 

 As I responded in anotherwolf's journal- Im done caring. Im  flattered that people feel so inadiquate that the feel they have to steal mine and my sister's awsome work to feel better about themselves. I know even if I take the 20 min out of my life to Hack the TwilightVale website and remove the coding that it will only be replaced again or Jenna will rip appart another site and copy paste it to take credit. This, along with the bitch who stole my phone right infront of me, and many other incidents have made me honestly numb to trying to believe the best in people. Morals have no place in modern life. Seems the new motto is take what you can get, even if you have to steal and hurt others to achieve it. Wolf Rp honestly discusts me. EM is the only thing that is keeping me there.

Pack~
 EmeraldMysts is, as always, doing awsome. You'd think there was a meeting scheadualed the other day when there were nearly 20 wolves present. We did some RP that we had to sorta ease our way into but soon we will be able to move right along with the plot and with the meeting ect.

 Unfortunatly there is some sad news. Both OpalFire and Sardonyx have left the pack on their own accord to deal with their real lives. OpalFire requested to be a guest of some sort and will be comeing in as WildPelt whenever she gets a chance to be on. Sadly though, Sardonyx (scott) will not be returning for some time. He is having his net turned off for personal reasons. He has to take care of real life and the comp is only distracting him it seems. He has been my friend for more then 4 years and to loose him saddens me greatly. I actually cried x.x but i know he is only doing what he feels he has to and that when the time comes that he has completed what he has set out to complete that he will return home to us.

There has been alot of talk over the last couple months about SunsetPeaks disbanning and merging into EmeraldMysts. Destiny is dealing with school and isn't on enough to activly act as an alpha, Amber is also a rare site, the second alpha of SP. They held a meeting the other night and I will update when I know the actual decision.

Long live the emeraldmysts!

~Amythist Myst

Fuck that. I -hate- the fourth of July. Im pretty skittish and i hate sudden loud noises, which there are alot of on the fouth of july. If i know its going to happen i dont mind but when everyone and their mother brother and sister are setting off fireworks there is no way i can be anticipating them all! x.x

To make it better me and my boyfriend stopped off at the gas station for munchies. When we went to get back in the truck i felt my cell drop out of my pocket, heard it hit the car and then the street. I was going to grab it but there was a girl on the sidewalk waiting to get into her car which was next to us. I pulled the door closed so that she could get by and saw her reach for my phone. My nieve ass thought she was going to give it to me but instead she hopped in the car and drove away -_- Me and anthony chased after her but lost her. Im so pissed... i loved that phone. Of course my dad says 'good job' and thats it. Thanks dad. 

Im just going to buy a cheepo phone- i seem to get all the expencive ones stolen -_-

Happy Fourth ._. 

Life~
Well it kinda sucked. I was suppose to come home last night and i phailed cause we had a two hour delay in London thus missed our flight to Vegas so we had to chill at a hotel in Chicago which was actually really nice but yeah so we got on an early flight out to vegas. Only like 3 hours. So I get home and hung with Jackie and ray and then yeah.

Yestarday while I was at the hotel I called Anthony since i had the reception to do so. He told me that he went and got drunk at a friends house playing beer pong. This irritates the hell out of me for a few reasons. The top being the fact that i firmly belive the 'once and alcoholic always an alcoholic' statement and he has started and it scares me that he wont stop. The next being that the last time he was drinking he broke up with me for some girl who already had a boyfriend/fuck buddy and not until he realized he didnt stand a chance with her did he decide to come back to me. Another being the fact that the only encouragement I have ever gotten from him on the topic is the fact that he "doesnt drink anymore." He always says "i have one or two then im done" well obviously anyone who knows they are playing beer pong knows they are going to get drunk. So he knew what he was doing. Call this next one jealousy or whatever but there have been times when he KNEW he didnt have to drive me home or we had the chance to drink, sober up then drive- but he said 'no i cant drink, i cant have it on my record' but its okay to play beer pong at your friends house and drive home but you cant drink with your girlfriend that cant be on the record. Next I have to say that i honestly think his friends are cool people but i dont llike them. They seem to be under the impression that you have to drink to have a good time and they seem to be dragging him into that pit and if they can convince him to drink my paranoid mind fears for what else they can convince him to do. I dont have a problem with a 'night out with the guys' I have a problem with him getting drunk because truethfully, and I hate to say this but- I dont trust him when he drinks. Any other time I trust him more then anything but he isnt the same when he drinks. I can believe any promise he makes to me when he is drinking cause like with the beer pong thng. " i promise ill only have one or two" that turns into playing beer pong. Phail. I thought i wanted to know when he was drinking, thats why he told me. he was being honest, which I totally appreciate but fuck... It scares me so badly that I actually cried myself to sleep like a pussy last night at the hotel. Bleh...

Moving on to the drama of the day... yup folks its not over yet

Wolf RP~
The thief strikes again!!!! Yup folks Jenna is back in buisness. So im checking out all the wolf pack topics i have my computer set to log to see what I missed in the last two weeks and i see that TV had a new URL so I clicked and lo and behold- Its the old SB site layout- the one Kovo made for us. *sighs dreamily* it was kinda cool to see how she mutilated it/. With the Picture over the navigation that said 'Follow your nose' were Kovo once had the 'find your path' picture. Not to mention the cleaver use of our bars with the topics on the left rather then the right. Were it says 'Greetings and welcome' and all other topic headers. That was neat to see again. What really  through me for a loop was when I did a viewsorce to check the coding and saw the SAME mistakes I had in the coding on the SB site as are on the TV site. Now that cant possibly be true because Jenna got it from a template site. Now Im sorry but you have to have been droped on your head to belived a thief over someone who knows what they are talking about. Honestly, if i had checked the code and seen the same coding as the one on the template i would have not said anything however- its not the same code. It is the same code as the SB one. She probly held onto the layout code in a txt file somewhere seein as this isnt the first time she ripped it. Kasie of course is all 'its a template so amy can get over it. it stays' Lmao its cute how she had to resort to allowing someone who is KNOWN. Shit not even just known but known WELL, for stealing layouts and materials - to make her site. I thought the one sammy made was perfect but of course this one is better- its one of Kovos. 

So I was pretty hot about that so i sent her a PM tellling her to remove it and then went into the channel to tell the pack what she is done. This is the cute responces!

 MysticStar: That girl Amy sounds like she wants revenge

lol caught me. What the hell would i want revenge for? I have nothing against TV except for the fact that Kasie is in it but stll i would welcome any TV member in EM even if just to visit. But apparently EM is TV's "rival pack" lol

AtrayaWolf: what is emeraldmyst?
Lotus`: Its a rival pack
Lotus`: With an idiot for an alpha

HAHAHAHA wow. an idiot for an alpha. *sighs again and whips away tears of laughter* What I find funny about that statement is that this 'idiot alpha' is the same alpha whom she BEGGED forgiveness from. The same one that she tried to convince to let her join time and time again and always said the only reason she would be with me is cause she couldnt be with kovo and would only be with kasie if she couldnt be with me. Lol. She has always wanted to be a member of Sweetbreeze and of EmeraldMysts but knows we would never accept filth like her, nor would Wolfspirits so that only defaults her down to TwilightVale.

Lotus`: and get her and her little EM minions to leave us the fuck alone?

What is funny is that only one of them were from EM but I never told any of them to go anywhere near TV. Im sorry that my pack is finally standing up to all of the fucking idiots out there that like to thrash on me. I admit they didnt go about it in the most mature way but they were defending me on THEIR terms. Not cause I told them too. As Kasie has told me so many times when I have had problems with her members - " I cant control what they do" Perhaps if you didnt talk so much shit they wouldnt feel the need to defend me.

The best part was when they were talking about spys and bots. That killed me i seriously choked on my tea! Im sorry to bust the ego bubble again but nothing makes TV so special that it needs to be spyed on. Sorry. Perhaps they should start inspecting members of the pack before accusing outsiders. I love how their 'spys' are right under there noses, in the heart of the pack but they are so busy being paranoid about it that they cant see it *chuckle*

Well in the end of course Kasie's responce was something along the lines of 'if its  template it doesnt matter to me. it stays. Until i see them side by side I cant be sure' right like she never saw the SB site. She can remember every detail about everything else but she cant remember seeing the exact same layout with the exact same faults - that must just be the template error :x 

On another note- Im happy to be home :)

Omg i am seriously in utopia right now!!! I havnt been on the internet in over a week, I found a computer in our hotel in Rome that had net but damn it my luck, all the keyboards were in italian!!!!! *le cry* but now we are in Delphi Greece and I found an internet cafe. I have so much to type and mty fingers are flying over the keyboard at a million miles an hour. I seriously have been having withdrawls its like my fingers are trying to make up for lost time!

The trip has been great! We started with 3 days in Rome, we visited the Vatican, the Sisten Chapel, and a few other ruins in Rome. Its crazy how much graffite is there o.o but its crazy cause its like, house. house. house. 10000000000 year old pillar with an even older statue on it dedicated to some hero. house. house. house. o.o Its awsome. We then hopped hotels and went to the island of Capri which was AMAZING! Then to Pompay were we got to walk through the ruins and see the petrified, solidified remnants of people who were found. It was really eeri. We also go to go through the old whore houses woot lol. Pretty much prostitution was actually a prefession back in the day and because people spoke so many different languages- instead of telling prostitutes what they wanted, they took them to these whore houses and pointed at pictures on top of the rooms like a menu at Denys!! "I want.... that one" *points* lol its great i got pictures, and to direct men to the whore houses there are penis' engraved in the stone!!! We are now in Delphi and Tomorrow Athens then a three day cruise. I should be home by tuesday.

I miss home very much no matter how beautiful it is here. I miss anthony like a crackhead misses their stash. I miss my pack family like a fat kid at fat camp misses twinkies and i miss my kitten like a girl does miss her kitten! lol. I cant wait to be home and not sleep in itty bitty little beds in itty bitty little hotels with 4 other girls. x.x 

I still have a million things to say and a million things to tell everyone but I fear others are waiting for the internet. ;-; I have to go, I love you all though and I really hope to see/talk to you all soon!!!!

~amy

Life~
Busy  Busy Busy. Monday I pretty much just lounged about until Anthony got off of work. We thought he had tues off so I was going to spend the night at his house but we found out that he gets this saturday off, so he doesnt get tues. I spent the night anyway- he took me home before he went to work. We pretty much just hung out and such. That has been pretty much every day up till now. Spending the night at his house and coming home at the crack of dawn. Packing during the day and spending time with him at night. Its sweet that he has been spending so much time with me before I go. He is coming over one more time tonight. 

I am like... 2/3 packed. I have all my clothes, and shoes packed. Mostly the only things I have left are like... Munchies, Bath Utilities, and my Carry-On to pack. I really hope i have everything x.x

Pack~
EmeraldMysts is doing awsome, White says she will be able to regain her rank now that she isnt so busy, I hope so. I love having her as my beta. There was tons of Roleplay yestarday which made me happy because I am trying to overload on RP as I will be without it for two whole weeks *shudders* Kovo has kindly agreed to help watch over the pack for me in my absence. A few of the EM members that dont have an op normally, have access to my nickname and pswd, thus my op. Solstice and Bitchwolf visited the other day, Solstice claims to have been a member of SweetBreeze, I dont remember but vaguely do if that makes any sort of scence.  I am going to miss my pack :c I leave tomorrow afternoon

 Life~

Saturday was insanely busy. I was up at like 7am and my parents and I went to EinstineBagles for breakfast. Went home for 15 min then went to Barnes and Noble for our last meeting of our trip group before we all meet at the Airport on thursday. We found out that Travlers checks are a big nono in Italy so as soon as we go out of there we went home and got my travlers checks and went to Wells Fargo to change them in for cash and Euros. As soon as I got home I went over to my neighbors house. He left for Navy Bootcamp in January and this is the first time he had been home since so I hung out with him for a couple hours then came home and took a nap till Anthony got off work. He came and picked me up and we went to his Uncle Jon's party. We hung out till like 10:30 then went to see Kungfu Panda but sorta half phailed cause we were there 20 min late <<:  Which was slightly depressing but the movie is cute! Anyway we went back to his house and crashed then woke up this morning and went to Trev's parent's house for breakfast. After we went to D&D which went really slow. I had to go home at 6 because of Fathers day cause we went to Outback steakhouse for dinner. It kinda sucks because I am really uncomfortable aroudn anthony's family outside of his mom and Trevor but i know when he goes to family events he either -wants- to or -has- to. So I go. I asked him if he wanted to come to dinner with my parents and he said 'ill pass' and it kinda sucked but i figured he was going to go home and spend time with Trevor but then he went back to D&D.... Im like.... wtf. I dont expect him to be a mindreader or anything but common.... I just wanted to spend time with him before I leave on thursday :/

Pack~

Good as always. Saturday we had the packmeeting which was smaller then usual but that made it go much faster which was good for me. We discussed the rules while I am gone and I demoted a few wolves. Desori, Clocly, Moonweaver and Dusk all made it to packmate while Feenix was promoted to Elder. When I asked for anyone who wanted to start their assessment to step forward i wasn't suprised when Desori's pup Auva came forward but was when Darkling came forward. Darkling is Meke`Shriek, he is a handful but a good roleplay and really funny. He just doesnt know where that line is <<: Its cool that he chose to join EM though <3 Alrai, Desori's other pup got caught in traffic on the way home from a trip- so even though she wasnt there Im promoting her to Omega. That was about it, pretty short and sweet. I will miss my woofles during my 2 weeks in europe.

Misc~

I know this is weird but i finally found out what that impending doom feeling is that im having - I dont feel like ill be coming back from Europe. Since the beginning of my senior year thats been like... the end of my thought process. I just dont see myself afterwards. Its a weird, creepy, un nerving feeling that makes me feel like i might puke. I know its probly stupid but thats what it is.

I do not know whats wrong with me, but as of late sleep has become very hard for me. Wend. night Jackie spent the night at my house. We got energy drinks, cheetos, M&Ms and a 750 piece puzzle and were up till 6am. This was after I had been at work for 9 hours. We slept for like 3 hours then I had to wake up and go to the eye doctor at 9:00am then to the dentist for a check up on my gums, Thankfully thats over for the next like... 6 months. Well after that I just came home and hung out. Thursday night I tried to lay down and go to sleep after a nice warm shower but sorta ended up just laying there with my eyes closed for like an hour before my friend Lukas called at around 1 am. 

I was talking to him and was sorta bummed cause Anthony was out with some guys from work to see the Hulk at the midnight showing. I wasnt exactly thrilled about that Idea because he doesnt sleep enough as it is. That and I was sorta jealous.. He wont hang around my house for a half hour on a work night but he will go out and see a midnight movie <<; that was just me being dumb though, Its nice to see him actually getting out. At like 3 he called and said they were going home but then called a few min later saying they were going to IHOP. I looked at the clock and was like... 'Dont you have to work in like... 4 hours.' he didnt seem to care but I think he thought i was trying to guilt triph im or something because he invited me, or rather his friend did, saying he would pick me up. I got to thinking and realized I was working off of 3 hours of sleep and a poptart and thought IHOP sounded bitching. So i got dressed, got off the phone with Lukas and wrote my parents a note at 3 am. We went and it was suprising to see a girl from School there lol. Victoria- she is really sweet. They were crazy, my kinda people if i wasnt half delerious and so stupidly shy around new people. I felt a little better knowing Victoria. Anyway they dropped me off then anthony and I went to bed at like... 4:30 -5am just to wake up at like... 7 to get ready and go to my cousin's Graduation. Which for some reason was at an ungodly hour- 9 am. 

So we went and my stupid aunt and uncle had AirHorns. Seriously the principle must have asked 4 or 5 times that you dont use those because 1) its rude because the kid who is cvalled after yours doesnt hear their name called, 2) its rude because you blow out everyone around you's eardrum. Well of course they blow the stupid fucking thing. God it was annoying. Afterward i realized, to my horror that my aunt's friend Marlissa was there. This big ass amazon fat ass blond bitch annoys me just by breathing. She has this air of cocky wannabe athority about her and I hate how she treats my cousin Brittany. After the ceremony Britt was trying to look for a few friends to say goodbye too and Marlissa is all "Brittany. Car. Brittany, Car. Brittany. Car!" Im like STFU YOUR NOT HOLDING A DEPLOMA IN YOUR FAT ASS HAND! YOUR NOT HER MOM OR BOSS IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM SO STOP BOSSING HER AROUND yeah that didnt go to well she called me, and i quote an 'insolant, ill mannored, rude little bitch' <<; well that got my mom, who hates her as much as I do, going and my mom started saying how I got a job and how i graduated with honors and went to a trade school and college and yeah. My mom is tall but really pittite and she was all sorts of putting that hoe in her place. lol it was interesting. Well after that settled we went to the tomas & mac to order my grad video then met up with everyone at Don antonios. I made it a point to sit on the opposite end of the table then marlissa. 

I didnt really feel good between being tired and pissed off. So i didnt eat much. I practically fell asleep in the car on the way home and when i did get home i stripped down to my nickers and passed out till 7pm when my phone went off and it was a lady that had my kitten x.x so i had to go get him.

So now im home and feelilng only a little better. My weekend is going to be busy. Tomorrow Joey comes home and I want to spend the morning with him then going to the mall with Jackie during the day and then to the movies with Anthony that night when he gets off of work. Ill probly end up just spending the night so that we can play D&D on Sunday. Then I have Mon-Wend to do all my laundry then I leave for Europe on Thurs. the 19th.

Also on Saturday I have a packmeeting. Im so proud of EmeraldMysts ^^ We have had steady roleplay for the last few nights, it gets cut off from time to time but doesnt take long to pick up. Malik and Alora have been hanging with us and roleplaying alot with us. Finir and Javalyn have stopped by periodically as well. Both are very sweet. The meeting shouldnt be long. A few people are being demoted due to lack of activity- mostly council members- I like my council to be on all the time if possible and a few just arnt cutting it. The  position suiets them in every concievable notion but their attendance. I hate demoting people for that but i gotta do what I gotta do to keep the pack strong. Then we are going to discuss me going to europe, plots, rules ect while im gone. 

I dont know why but I feel... scared. Every time i think about going to europe.. its like a feeling of empending doom.. maybe thats just the feeling I get about thiking of the ungodly planeride there or the fact that i only sorta know two of the 18 people that are going besides the teacher. I donno. I just feel odd about it. This is stupid but everytime you hear about a senior trip its the tragic tale of young people who had just started to live their lives... as the plain goes down x.x; I am -terrified- of flying... my mom is going to gimme some Zanny bars to relax. And its not like its one plane there and one back- its like 3 planes there- 3 back x.x *dies* 

On the flip side im excited though - one more week and ill be in the coolest places! Italy and Greece- here I come!

This weekend has been -insane- I havnt stopped running at all.

So Saturday my dad, brothers, Anthony and I all went to play tourist. <3 After Anthony stopped looking for all the bad shit he actually started enjoying himself. We started at Treasure Island and went down to the forum shops. We were going to watch the dancing waters at the mirage but never  really got a chance to. Perhaps next time we will go through the Secret Garden - its a zoo thing with all kinds of Animals at one of the hotels. After I just went home with Anthony and spent the night.

Sunday we played D&D. The 4th edition just came out and it took us litterally half the day just to learn how to make characters. My new character is a Tiefling fighter. We all started out at Level one becacuse like hell if any of us knew how to alter the stats for a higher level character x.x So most of the day was kinda boring but we played until past midnight- by the end of it it was only me, anthony, becky and mike but its alright- it was fun. My character has purple hair and solid white eyes and we killed a white dragon. Im going to try and get the scales weaved into my armor! Sexehness!

Monday, Yestarday, was my graduation. I get a phonecall at 9 in the morning from my dad who is freaking out 'Why does no one have tickets?!' Now, to understand my reasoning I have to tell you that my family is cursed. Seriously the most bazar things happen and I could just imagin the phonecall from like my cousin or my aunt 'well funny story uh... lightning struck the house and all the paper was turned to dust so uh.. we need new tickets.' So I was going to just meet up with everyone there and give out the tickets then - but apparently that made me a fucking idiot <<: We got it all sorted- anthony took me home and i showered and got ready. We left and the rest was just graduation. Afterwards we went to Don Antonios for dinner which was pretty yummeh, I only wanted family at the dinner so My mom, dad, nana, poppa, dee, uncle, cousin, Anthony, Nancy and Trevor were there. I got like $600 total and the prettiest flowers!!!!!! Also alot of little gifts like a graduation book, a graduation teddy bear and a really pretty bracelet. <3 It was all really nice! After that me and anthony went to Ricky's and hung out. 

Anthony had work today so I decided to come home and work on a logo for a thing his mom, trevor and aunt are starting. I need to go cash in my mooneh so i dont loose it <<: Ill get to that later though. I think a nap is well in order.

FYI: My LJ I will mention whoever or whatever I want Kthnx ^-^

So apparently I am a liar yet there is no proof of it. Funny. Its a good thing she doesnt care cause I dont either. I practically had Sunny Delight coming out of my nose when she fucked everything I hold dear to hell. Whats funny is that she fucks it all to hell because she cant have it. I tried to help her before she made alot of really stupid decisions. She was so eager to grow up she moved out with someone she knew for only a few months who is now borderline abusive. She constantly complains that they have no money and that he is use to being poor but she isnt - then goes out and gets not one but TWO kittens. That is a brilliant way to save money. What makes me laugh the most is the constant 'worry' of being pregnant when she continues to have unprotected sex. Then says she is 'ready' to have a baby. HAHAHAHAHA you cant even take care of yourself let alone a child. I try to talk her out of one bad idea after the other and i get a *grunt* or *snort* in responce.

Its a bittersweet ending for me and Kasie. Even after all of the crap she put me through it still hurt me to officially let go but its for the better. She fucked me and my pack to hell - At least my pack will still be there in 6  months. At least when things get rough we dont insult each other and at least when things get hard we dont up and run away. We stick together to band against the petty insults of those who are jealous of us. Of our bonds, of our size, of our activitiy. Its what everyone else wants an its what we have. I almost physically feel a burden being lifted off my shoulders. I am happy though still sick to my stomache. Its an odd feeling but as everyone keeps telling me, I did the right thing. I finally took a stand against her and defended not only me- but my family.

One thing Kasie was right about - I do have family and she is no longer among them. She says she can do just fine without me - yeah it shows. Everyone will agree that the only decent pack she has had in the last few years since I left her is NightRain and Maybe even MoonValley. Every since i havnt been there to console members that her temper is to be ignored and that she means the well I have watched one pack after another fall under her rule. She can do just fine without me, without chandler, without friends, without family.  She is just fine all on her own it seems. She deserves none of the sympathy or help I have ever given her.

In other news - EmeraldMysts is doing great. Along with our plot involving Carnissal we have been having small mini-plots. Soli (alora) has been roleplaying with us alot lately and her character, a pup, was chased into EM by a pair of foxes. Then today Crystalgarnet's tunnel collapsed and we had to do an epic rescue mission. I hope to get the bot started soon so we can do some -real- hunting but that is all in due time.

I gave Anthony my LJ link to read my rant on Kasie and he read further x.x Damn. I never actually voiced my 'buzzkill' thoughts to him but I guess its working in both our favors. This weekend we are going out. Of course he makes it difficult for me by telling me its my choice x.x I dont want to end up taking him somewhere and him not having any fun. Im just trying to think what he would enjoy.... 

Thats all for now kids

~Peace

||-Sucks i just had this all typed up and deleated it by accident x.x *types again*-||

Im so sick of this, Im sick of how she treats me and the way I let her do it. I have an imaginary leash on and part of me doenst even want to get rid of it. I have told people to get fucked for doing much less then what she has but I keep letting her. I stopped being her lap dog years ago and eventually even stopped walking at her heels, now I am nothing to her but a stray that she lures to her with praise to feed from, takes what she wants and kicks away when they are no longer in use- only to repeat the process. I am normally smart enough not to burn myself on the same stove more than once. Not with her. She has given me enough slack to break free but still I stay with her. Im tired of it though and as much as it pains me to - im breaking my leash and freeing myself from her constant abuse.

Kasie, I will no longer be here for your convinence. You will no longer be able to call upon me and treat me as a friend only when your website needs updating or you need help recruiting. I will no longer be at your whim. You tell me I am nothing to you then come at me with demands on what needs to be done with your website, after having lingered in my home and been rude to my members. I will no longer tolorate it. For years now you have been disrespectful to me and I have rolled over like a pup to you and allowed you to do it. Im no longer the groveling newb that bowed down at your paws. I am a sucessful alpha with a loving, strong famiy and your constant emotional torment will no longer be tolorated. You know how to get under my skin and rub my fur the wrong way only because I was stupid enough to let you get close to me. To reveal what hurts and what I hope for. You crush that, you make me feel that I should feel guilty about what I am proud of. That I should regret everything but I dont and I never will.

If I told you any of this in Messenger or Pm you would ignore me, but I know this will get your attention and I can speak without interuption. It has been far to long since I have defended myself with you and now I am going to defend my pack as well. You come into my home to look for me to do your bidding and snort at my members because -you- dont like them. Just because you see them as 'disloyal' or whatever they are my members none the less and no other wolf would get away with such actions. You enter a channel filled with what you tossed aside. You through away members that could have made your pack great as they have EmeraldMysts. It is sad that most of my pack is comprised of your 'trash' yet you get angry when I pick up what you toss out. You cased them away and they came to me, they wanted a home and I provided. Now whatever your feelings on them you may treat them however you want if they were in your channels but you will not be rude to them in their home. I do not go to TV and snort at Xirena, Katara, Sam or Thundris. I do not grunt or snort at them for simply saying 'hello' Nor do I bring my IRL drama into your channels. I will not let you come to my home and disrupt our peace just because you have a thorn in your paw and are jealous that what you threw out, what you turned away as 'disloyal' members have made EmeraldMysts what it is now. A strong, active, loving family. 

You have pushed everyone away one by one. I am the only one that returns for your punishments for your guilttrips and your lashing temper. I have always been there to try and sooth your temper console your worries and even try and help fix them, Your pushing has finally caused me to bite back and defend myself. You are going to end up finding once you have pushed everyone away and deemed everyone unsuitable for your company or kindness - that the world is a lonely place. You need to find a way to cap that lashing temper and smooth the edges of your words because they hurt people and drive them away. You are spiteful. Even after knowing what Renegade went through - when LE disbanned all you had to say for the fact was 'Take that Renegade' you had the audacity to post in their pack C-box that what Desori did to him was the same he did to you' Let the bones lie for gods sake. Its done, its over and you had no right to poke your nose into it. This is only one of many examples of how you -hate- everyone. You hate all other packs because either they are dead or they are doing better then yours. You would rather wait back and watch as your packs fall rather then merging with another pack because they are below you in your eyes. That hate and spite will lead to you leading a very sad, lonely life.

You say it discusts you to have others 'claim' me because I was 'yours' first. News flash - I am not property. Kovo, Tala, WhiteWolf, Desori and Amaroq took me as their spirit sister because of a bond. They do not take 'claim' to me and I am not yours in any way shape or form. I disolved our sistership and accepted it. After we came to some sort of jagged truce, you disolved our sistership and now complaint that I am not yours. It kills you that I am happy without you. I have everything you want, A strong, active, loving pack that you are not appart of and that you did not help to create thus cannot take credit for. The only credit you can take for my success is that I learned it from you, but I do not see you as my teacher any more. Alyth was the alpha i respected, called sister and would have followed to the ends of the world, but Alyth is gone, she died with NightHunters. Now all that is left is a vessal full of hate and spite. My mentor and sister is gone.

I will no longer stand for any of it. No longer will you be welcome in EmeraldMysts not only because I claim no relation to you but because I have warned you before about your attitude in my channels and the way you treat my members. You -hate- EM just as you hate every other pack so I suppose that is not a loss for you. I will no longer be visiting TwilightVale- again not a big loss for you as I am nothing to you, in your words. Its crazy that even after how many times you have disgraced and have been disrespectful to me and my family-  that it still hurts me to release myself from you, but I feel it is for the better.

Over a year ago I almost cut my leash. I blocked you from every concievable messaging process I can think of. I stoped all contact with you in all fashion. I should have stuck with it. That is what I am going to do and this time it is final. One person can only take so much emotional abuse before they bite back. This is my retaliation. Alyth was my alpha - Kasie is dead to me. Perhaps you will be kinder to others knowing that you have pushed me as far as to say that. I adored you, worshiped you as you accused me of worshiping Kovo. Now you are nothing but a name.

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am waiting for disaster
~Papa roach - Getting Away With Murder